Day 8: Agency as Learners and Human Beings

This morning I sat with coffee in hand, curled up in my reading chair and looking out over the terracotta rooftops of old Tay Ho. In order to frame the week ahead, another week of distance learning, with a positive state of mind I reflected on the silver linings of the past five weeks. The one element that consistently came to mind was the increased agency and confidence of our lovely Middle Schoolers. This led me to reflect on my own journey to agency, not just a learner, but as a human being.

From the age of 19 until 27 I had very limited agency over my own life. Those years are now a fog, many parts divided and stored into my subconscious to slowly be addressed as they need to be. I do however have clear memories of the helplessness I felt thinking that there really was no way out and that this is simply what my life is and will be. 

Two major catalysts occurred towards the end of this timeframe where I experienced drastic and at the time utterly devastating upheaval. This upheaval meant that I was all of a sudden free, but also so astonishingly aware of my inability to function independently. As someone who had not had a sense of agency or personal autonomy for such an extended period of time and in such formative adulting years, this was terrifying. 

However, with the gentle understanding and support of my family and friends, I was able to begin to develop confidence and navigate each day with an increasing sense of agency and personal autonomy. The time between nearly crippling anxiety attacks grew further and further apart, and with each little step taken to forge an independent path, before I knew it, I was able to function independently for weeks at a time and I’d reached as high in leadership as I wanted to in the field of education. I’m currently settling back into a fulltime classroom role for the next few years and considering what new career paths lie ahead beyond or with education.

The connection between this personal journey of increased agency and our situation at present with CorVid-19 is the manner in which we arrived here. Two significant and drastic events placed me in a situation where I had agency over my life, and I think the significant and drastic events of CorVid-19 impacting how we teach and learn has led to our students having the opportunity to truly develop a sense of agency as learners. 

In the first couple of weeks of distance learning, there was a genuine fear and uncertainty around how to tackle this new approach to learning, but with each little success in navigating the learning experiences and having the freedom to self-manage most students have been able to express in various ways just what captures an individual who has genuine agency over their learning: 

‘I know what I know and I know what I need, I can voice what I know and I can voice what I need, and most importantly I know how I know and I know how to access what I need.’

Through conversations with my classes via synchronous lessons, our students expressed that they enjoy determining what their days look like, how they will organise themselves and they speak with greater confidence and a strong sense of autonomy. 

This journey our students have undertaken has reminded me of the fear that came with learning to exercise agency as an independent person, but most importantly, the joy that overshadows the fear as confidence grew with each little decision and success built upon the other. 

It is with a grateful heart I can reflect on those years of fog and entrapment as a mere footnote in the scheme of this wonderful gift of a life that is now lived independently, framed by agency as a human, and with an ever-increasing sense of personal autonomy.